One of the things I didn't anticipate on getting home was the level of fear or nervousness I have. For most of my life, or all of it, I felt in complete control. There were obstacles, etc. but I was doing it on my own. Now some of that has been taken away. Something happened to me, I had no control of it, and the consequences were extreme. I will be dealing with the aftermath for months if not years.
But most frustrating to me right now is when I am walking down a busy street I see imminent disasters. Too many speeding cars and honking horns, an accident is coming. A car trying to speed to make it through a yellow light, here comes the worst. Someone riding a bike without a helmet, an accident is coming.
I find myself flinching at the possibility of what could go wrong all the time and I hate it. I expect it to get better but right now I am living in a bit of a state of fear and it is frustrating to no end. No, it is not crippling, it does not keep me inside my house walled up, but it is in the front of my mind when I am out.
What I worry about is when I am better, hopefully, and have the opportunity to ride a bike, or go skiing, or something else active that involves a degree of danger, I really hope the accident doesn't affect me negatively. I am just not a person to live in a state of fear.
No comments:
Post a Comment